You may have noticed there was no Toy Tuesday this week. The toys have been putting in some pretty long hours looking after two sick boys and haven’t had energy for play, so I’ve given them the week off.
I hope they realise I intend on taking next week off myself and they’re on full parental duties.
So, the boys are still/again sick. Hard to tell if it’s new or the same illness – they sort of roll into one after a while. It’s prompted me to share some observations on parenting sick* kids.
– Kids have some sort of internal calendar that tells them when weekends, public holidays, important work meetings and compulsory family events are on. That is when they know they need to get sick.
– This calendar also syncs with the closing times of your doctor and pharmacy.
– Kids have absolutely NO concept of universal hygiene precautions.
– On a related note, a sneeze in the face is how some cultures express love and devotion to their elders.**
– Childproof lids on medication bottles become adultproof after midnight.
– Medications with those funky ‘oral dosage devices’ that mean you don’t wind up tipping syrup all over the table are fantastic…until you lose the matching syringe. Then you’re stuffed.
– If you do happen to have the correct syringe, I strongly advise against removing it from the top of the bottle while you’re holding the bottle upside down.
– Medication syringes are a total pain in the bum to clean. The best way I’ve found is to turn them into mini water pistols while you’re washing up.
– The brand of drug your toddler will tolerate will make your baby projectile vomit.
– Vaporisers are brilliant. Just don’t set it up next to the baby monitor or you’ll be worried about the ‘strange talking’ you hear in your baby’s room.
– The day after you finally put the vaporiser away (even if it’s been unused for, maybe two months) will be the night your kids start coughing again.
– Everything gets worse at night.
– If you decide you’re not sleeping, you’ll be more appreciative of the hour or so the kids deigned to let you have.
– It’s much easier to work out a contingency plan for emergencies during the day.
– Don’t dismay if your child wipes their nose on you just before you go out*** – simply shake on some glitter and you’ve got instant bling.
– Saline sprays and snot suction thingummys require basic Jedi training to operate.
– Wiping your child’s nose would be a piece of cake if you were a ninja.
– You haven’t truly lived until you’ve caught another person’s puke in your bare hands. It’s exhilarating – don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
– They will get better. And you will get sick, and then recover just as they fall ill again…but you WILL eventually all be well at the same time. Just don’t expect that time to be before the middle of Spring.
* Just minor stuff. I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like taking care of chronically/seriously unwell kids. Hats off to all of you who do.
** I made that up. I desperately hope it isn’t true.
*** To do something thrilling and exciting. You know, like taking out the rubbish. Or buying more toilet paper.