STOP EVERYTHING!!

The Blue Fork is missing.

Okay, so that was probably a little dramatic. And perhaps a touch cryptic. I’m not talking about some hipster band or a beloved stuffed toy – no, that would be an absolute crisis (talking about a lost toy going missing, I mean…the only bands I follow avidly these days are The Wiggles and Lah-Lah’s Big Live Band. Definitely not hipster.)

I’m talking about an actual fork. A blue plastic fork. I realise the capital letters may have confused you. The thing is, this particular piece of cutlery is so beloved that it’s like it’s part of the family. We’ve even given it an affectionate pet name – the Blue Fork (didn’t see that coming, hey?.

Anyway, it’s missing. Completely gone. Vanished. We haven’t seen it all year (I love doing that in January!). We really have searched high and low. I’m not far from making posters advertising a large reward. Okay, maybe just a medium one…erring on the smaller side. I might be willing to surrender the last Tim Tam to go with a gratefully made cup of coffee (it’s all in the wrist).

See, Alpha loves blue. Currently, he will not consume a morsel of food if it is not lovingly presented on a blue plate/bowl/tarpaulin to be delicately enjoyed with the finest blue cutlery Mummy could buy ($2 for an 18-piece rainbow set from IKEA). Mealtimes have been a battle all year (see? It’s fun!) because there is No Blue Fork. My poor neglected child has been forced to use the orange fork. Side note: my iPad desperately tried to make me capitalise orange fork, but I couldn’t let it – we really just don’t love it enough.

So now we have a conundrum. Do I try and plan meals that do not require the use of a fork for the foreseeable future? Or do I brave a trip to IKEA in the school holidays?

I know what you’re thinking – it’s a close call.

Anyway, happy 2015! If you need me, I’ll be in the corner in the foetal position.

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Total first world problem…

I just had the following conversation with my husband…

Me: I need you to get an antenna for the TV – the foxtel isn’t working again.
Husband: That’s okay, we can just watch it on the computer.
Me: We can’t get ABC2 on the computer.
Husband: So?
Me: I don’t think you heard me correctly. We can’t get ABC2. Possibly until Monday.
Silence.

I don’t know whether it was concern for his wife’s sanity or the thought of being in charge on Sunday arvo with no respite while I’m at work (probably a bit of both) but bless his cotton socks, he arrived home 30 minutes later with an antenna. He even got it working straight away.

Best. Husband. Ever.

No Smurfs Allowed

I was shocked the other day to discover a toy store selling a play mat that advertised itself as being ‘anti-smurf’.

It disappointed me.

I have no idea what they have against smurfs. I get that they were kinda odd, but quite frankly this sort of behaviour struck me as incredibly blue-ist.

I was on the verge of marching up to the counter and demanding an explanation from the scared-looking teenage boy when I took a second look at the cover.

Smudge. Anti-smudge play mat.

So you can all feel free to invite the local smurfs around to play.

Just don’t invite any smudges.